10 common negative thinking traits

“Definitions of Cognitive Distortions” from Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns

1. Thinking “All or Nothing”

This refers to the tendency to see things as either all good or all bad. When we judge ourselves or others according to perfectionist standards, we are thinking in terms of “all or nothing.” An example would be the person who makes a mistake and then concludes that she can’t do it anything right. Keep things in perspective. Nothing is all bad or all good. “If I look hard enough, I can find something positive in every situation.”

2. Overgeneralizing

When people generalize too much, they conclude that one event reflects the way things will always be. When we get in a tough situation, we often worry that nothing will ever improve. The fact is that things change. “What happens today will not happen forever. I can make it through the day.

3. Mental Filter

A person filters out all positive things in his life to the extent that he focuses only on the negative things. A caregiver may be using a mental filter when he becomes preoccupied with one problem behavior and ignores any positive aspects. (of caregiving) Acknowledge the negative but focus more on the positive. “Sure, there are negative things, but there are positive things, too. It’s up to me to decide which to focus on.”

4. Discounting the Positive

We tend to minimize compliments we receive from others. Instead accepting and affirming a compliment from someone we may say to ourselves, “Well I could be doing more,” or “I don’t like what I am doing so I don’t deserve compliments.” Accept and affirm the positive. “The positive things people say abut me are true.”

5. Jumping to Conclusions

You reach a negative conclusion without having all the facts about a situation. Don’t take things personally or try to predict the future. “I can ask questions instead of taking this personally. There’s probably a good explanation.”

There are two common situations in which this occurs:

A. Mind Reading
Someone makes an assumption that another person is thinking badly about him.

B. Predicting the Future
A person makes assumptions that negative things are going to happen to her, or that people will respond to her in a negative way. A person may imagine that an activity will not go well. They will worry about this future possibility, taking their attention away from enjoying the present time.

6. Exaggerating or Reducing the Significance of Events

This mental error can go in two directions either you exaggerate your negative qualities , or you minimize your positive qualities. You may think, “How can I ever take care of the household finances when I have a hard time balancing my check book? In the opposite direction, you may think , “Well sure, I’m good with plants, but anyone can take care of plants.”

Treat Yourself in the same , gentle, accepting way that you treat those you love. “I have my flaws, but I also have my strengths. I’m not going to beat myself up about this.”

7. Reasoning Emotionally

When we allow our emotions to guide our understanding of a situation, we are reasoning emotionally. The thought, “I feel lonely, therefore, nobody loves me,” bases the conclusion on a feeling, and not on the real facts of the situation. The goal is not to ignore or to suppress our feelings, but to accept these feelings and try to view situations from a rational perspective. Don’t let emotions do your reasoning for you. “I accept my feelings but attempt to see things more objectively.”

8. Think I Should

The problem with saying “I should” is that the statement has more to do with opinions than the reality of a situation. We usually say “you should” to others when we think we know what is best for them. This can often make us feel frustrated when the other person disagrees with us. By saying “I should” to ourselves, we can end up feeling depressed and angry, because what we are saying we “should” do is not what we really want in our hearts. Instead, it tends to be something that a critic in our life, such as a spouse, a parent, or a child in our life wants.

There is more than one correct way to do things. “ My way isn’t necessarily the best way for others. I have the right to make my own decisions just as they have the right to make theirs.”

9. Labelling

This is an extreme form of generalization. Instead of seeing our faults as only part of our otherwise good features, we single them out as a reflection or ourselves. You may act impatient in caring for you sick family member, and then conclude that you are an impatient person. We are more than our mistakes or imperfections. “I may do something foolish, but that doesn’t make me a fool.”

10. Personalizing

A person may assume responsibility for a negative event when she is not to blame. A person may feel embarrassed by something a spouse, relative, or child does as if their behavior were reflection of her abilities as a wife, mother or relative. Don’t take the blame for others’ behavior. “Although I care about them, I’m not responsible for their decisions or actions.”

Source: Autonomous Healing Zone